Reubters - Oct 23, 2007.
Top police and law enforcement agencies in Singapore are working round the clock to unravel what could be the biggest conspiracy theory since how Chelsea managed to win the English Premier League.
A sinister plot has been uncovered with the main suspects being teenagers in Singapore. As top leading expert Tharman Knowalot said, "We liken the teenagers to Singapore to the infamous terrorist group Gloopa Plutonium. How? They both have little regard to law and order and also show disdain for compassion.
The singular, most vital piece of evidence found by the Singapore Police is the communication among teenagers.
According to Singapore's Triangle of Power, leading experts in language and psychology have been called in from around to the world to unravel the codewords used by teenagers to, quote Minister of Defence Lee Lock Tap " for use and preparation for their devious plans" unquote.
Three top experts, also known as the Familiar 3, Mr David Copperfield, Mdm Tequila and Mr Horry O'Neal have been working together with Singapore's top leading experts in an attempt to deduce the codewords used when teenagers transmit to each other.
As Mr Horry suggested, " This was Nam' all over again"
An example of these codewords were released to the press today.
First impressions were similarly of confusion and fear as words such as " Worxxx, Euuu and Kekekes" surfaced. This has led numerous tests and experiments as experts attempt to pronounce these words and unravel their mystery. These experiment are also taking up an large worrying amount of money and drinkable water.
Also, if that wasn't enough. DSP Pang mentioned a more sinister plot brewing as certain teenagers, which are most likely the ringleaders of a vast network of teenagers who use similar words as above, but with additions as they alternate between Capital letters and small letters.
Such deceivement has led to desperation which has caused disruptions between the Familiar 3. This has led the the Singapore leadership to engage the help of leading English professor Dr.Eng Land Pro to understand the true underlying meanings of these messages.
An example of the above is shown in a worrying news bulletin, " WoRxXxX, eUuU, KekEkKEs"
Taken in literal sense, Dr Eng Land Pro has been lifting is voice up and down in a desperate claim to his fame to understand this apparant tomfoolery. He added desparingly," This isn't in the Oxford version!".
"There is a strong feeling of understanding going on between the leading experts, and we feel that we are getting somewhere with this investigation", Said Dr Eng Land Pro.
His associate DSP Pang agreed as he does his part to clamp down on communications between teenagers to stop what he says is the " good of the society".
One of the communication devices utilized by these teenagers is the rising emergance of a online tool called MSN Messenger. A study done on this has revealed worrying signs of a revolt by the teenagers as they now have the ability to communicate their facial expressions as well as drawings almost instantaneously. Such diagrams have been called "smileys" by the teenagers in an apparant guise to hide their true intent.
Another case noted is the increasing disappearances of teenagers from homes and their dinner tables. Despite ongoing investigations which have included pleading and dumpster diving, top officials are still unable to obtain any information of any kind of what teenagers are actually up to inside their rooms.
Rumours of making of dirty laundry for dirty bombs, moral and personal decay and also increasing couthness and rudeness have been a constant nightmare for adults everywhere.
A more recent updated study have narrowed teenagers where they are at their most active.
ASP told the press in a recent press conference that they have cornered the teenagers at their meeting places and have been monitoring closely.
A codeword has been established by the teenagers and insider sources have revealed it to be that of CCA's.
A seemingly innocuous abbreviation which calls itself " Co-Curricular Activities" has been only recently made known as the headquarters of teens.
A police statement has instead named it Operation Cold-Cruel Actions as they work 24/7 to stop the activities from ever happening.
Such gripping news have kept the Republic of Singapore in a suspense after the release of a liberal sex video by rebel Tammy-Gun.
If found guilty, teenagers face up to 15 years in an "educational institute" and three life sentences of annoying relatives.