I've just browsed through some friend's blog and facebook pages, and I saw people's description's of themselves.

"I like music"
"I can't live without music"
"I like to party"
"I'm happy go lucky"
"I want to make friends"

Well, I thought I'll try to describe here what I think of myself.
My personality.

I think I'm a little shy yet slightly adventurous when meeting new people cos they dont know who I am,
I almost everytime lose interest in my friends and don't speak to them for a while before I realise how much I like them and find them back, its like a phase of friendship,
I don't like going out at night, unless its near my house and comforting and friendly. In fact, I hardly go out at night, I stay out late usually doing one thing for the night and not hopping around.
I dislike meeting people through my friends because I guess I feel like a third wheel.
I get nervous of breaking into people's circle of friends, or siblings because I wouldn't like it if you broke into my circle of siblings, especially, not so much friends.
I think I get too comfortable with people I really like that I lose myself occasionally.
I really like to blend in in a crowd but I also like to be known at least by name.
I don't think I ever hit that teenage phase of liking to go out and party, drink and hang out. I think my dad influenced me to always think of home as the best place.
I like to let people I really like have every mental whim satisfied.
I don't think I'm much of a musician despite the fact I have played keys, drums, bass, guitar and djembe in a band.
I don't like to think of myself as a person who knows a lot of a wide range of topics.
I in fact know quite little.
I think I can talk my way out of a situation if I really wanted to.
I think I rarely leave my comfort zone, and if I do, it sure as hell would be a good reason.
I think army is occupying my thoughts 24/7
I cannot stand stupidity and ignorance.
I like to think I am smart, and honest.
I realise I bend the truth in order to make my friends happy

im busy now

I'm bored of my lifestyle.
I'm bored of watching movies and having dinner in restaurants.
I'm bored of looking that I know something about cars, investments and politics.

What I'm really interested in is people younger than me.
I want to take people under my wing and teach them before I send them out.
I want to be a fantastic teacher of younger people.
Where they will be intelligent and going the right way.
I want more of God.

I'm bored of gatherings and small talk.

But then again, its all necessary.

I think I need a mentor.

I mean, I'm really trying doing what seems right, satisfiable, to myself, where issues are not completely black and white. I suppose it can get a bit unsafe.

Thats my prayer.

I keep asking myself whether I'm pleasing Him.
Perfect love drives out all fear.

I want to spend time the next book out.
I don't know how.
I crave spiritual company but they sometimes distract me.
Pray.

Always always pray, never leave prayer,
If God is on your side, who can defeat you?
The sun will not harm you in the day (field camp) nor the moon by night (guard duty)
heh

I'm so apprehensive about the army its nuts.
I want to go back to Tekong so bad.
But I still can't pass my SOC and 10km run. Probably.
Train.
Pray.
God I need to pray,
I need to pray more.

I love to pray.

ya know, when I was in Tung Ling, loved praying and all that. pnw, sharing, fellowship and all the other nice names and words that come with Christian fellowship.

Now, I'm starving, and I'm still not really going out to search for food and I'm getting worried.

I think my resolution is to never stop feeding myself spiritually because I've been replacing it by a lot of things.
Time outside is so rare after all.

Even when Ivan called me out to pray I was inwardly mocking the idea of praying, I'd rather spend my time doing things I enjoy and relax. Then I realise I'm contradicting what I've been telling people and teaching about prayer. How can I teach if myself I cannot practice?

I've drifted away by quite a fair bit.
Before I get taken over I rather go back into territory which is is ideal for a Christian.
Not entirely kept in the safe compound of my people where its 'bless you bless you' all day, but knowing that my actions are favourable towards God.

Pray for me,
As I said myself and taught a few hours ago,
Prayer is the most powerful thing you can ever give a friend, or a loved one

Ho Wei - 14/04/89
PKC, TP, BUS
Reuben's Blog

links