i feel weird'
14 July 2008
startin with clem theres this loop where the senior people are all airing laundry.

well, clean or otherwise.

It's good isnt it? Communication and all that teaching notes I did on that comes to mind.
Communication builds a strong team, encourages teamwork, strengthens after-team effect and yada on.

Well, when i first saw phil's pour-my-heart one thing I was disappointed.
I knew immediately that one of these days I would be angry at him for sending that email.
It seems I abhored speaking out-of-turn.

That proves I do hate change. which is not good.

Both Grace's and SW's reaction were predictable, both agreed, appaluded and both were happy happy that our band was communicating... and laughed at Phil.
I am concerned because I foresee something wrong if the older members do not take people like Philemon or Philip seriously.
I do feel an emotional attachment to both of them. For very obvious reasons.

Well, of course I realise their reaction but I think I'm devil's advocate in the group.
Which sucks, that role I see myself in. which sucks cause I'm normally not in all the other groups.

the band is weird, i want to send a long sappy email but I can't

It seems I limit myself on purpose so people like Clement and Philemon are seen in a more positive light. After, if Reuben is so utterly "cold", people will appreciate Clement and Philemon more.

Yes, I know its freakin darn stupid, thats why I think of myself as one of the nicest people around. I degrade myself so other people are lifted.

It sounds untrue, I agree.
Its not a very good philisophy too, but I do that whenever Clement's around, which is my stronghold, my weakness in that sense. It's almost natural.

You know, if someone else would write this I would have lambasted on their inability to get something up from themselves. But as I write this, I realise that I love, respect and care for people like Clem and Phil to the extent of placing myself below so they can be exalted.


How childish, How simpleminded, how ignorant, how pathetic.

Yet... I do that, naturally.

Why?
~R.Ho, 8:41 PM
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